Your aunt Suzanne won’t stop raving about this holy-grail concept of self-love she learned in yoga, all of TikTok seems to preach it, and at least half of your friends have casually dropped the term like it’s a thing we’re all doing now. But you are not alone if you’re sort of confused by what self-love means and how to go about it.

Basically, self-love is when you appreciate and value you, says therapist Jalissa Shelby, LCPC. That means it’s something you can feel. But it’s also the actions that you take because you respect and prioritize yourself, like talking to yourself kindly and listening to what your body and mind need, says licensed clinical psychologist Nina Polyné, PsyD.